Post by sian22redux on Nov 12, 2023 19:43:29 GMT
The Final Step
Author: Belekoroz
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Sauron, Melkor
No warnings apply
----------------
What am I doing here?
It was a common thought Mairon had now-a-days, his mind plagued with many things the other
ainur would most certainly consider sacrilege. To his credit he had tried rather hard to dispel
said thoughts from himself, but to little avail, as no matter what he tried, they would not relent.
He had begun to wonder if he had some sort of curse placed upon him, if such a thing was even
possible. Ultimately though, he knew the truth deep down, as much as he loathed to admit it to
himself. He had allowed himself to fall victim to doubt and distrust, and despite his awareness of
this, he could not fully vanquish these thoughts. His mind had fallen into a cycle of questioning,
a pit he sunk deeper into each day, and here feared the moment he no longer had the strength
to climb back out.
It wasn’t even that he was unhappy, as such, but rather, he felt unfulfilled, unnoticed, and
unrespected. His growing resentment as a result of these thoughts fuelled the metaphorical fire
in his mind, a fire he was very aware had been meticulously fanned and maintained by one
other than himself. He was in no way fool enough to not notice Melkor’s sugared words and
careful tending, he simply found himself unable (or perhaps, unwilling?) to put a stop to it.
Though he would not admit it to himself, he rather agreed with many of the grievances Melkor
had voiced to him. Why was it that he, someone who had as much talent and skill as he did,
was expected to bow to the kings and queens of this world without question? Why was it that he
was expected to devote his immortal existence to this? Craft precious jewelry and treasures to
bestow upon them, for little praise or recognition. Aule had told him it was a great honor to have
his skill recognized by the valar in such a way that it had been, but he disagreed.
He had been at a crossroad for quite a while now. He knew he needed to make a choice; rather,
he had made his choice quite a while ago, just another thing on the long list of things he had not
gathered the strength to admit to himself. He was stuck, standing on the edge of a cliff, not
entirely willing to take that final step off the edge, unsure if water or jagged rocks would meet
him at the bottom. He supposed it didn’t particularly matter in the long run though, he knew the
choice would be made for him one day regardless, likely for the worse. He was sure that one
day in the not so distant future, he would slip up, his thoughts would be voiced, which he knew
would inevitably end poorly.
He would not allow himself to be shamed in such a way.
He would not allow them to stand over him, high and mighty in their untouchable seats, passing
judgment on him to their standards, whispering to each other about him as if he was lesser, as if
he was not even there.
He would not.
He turned, the shadows in the corner of the empty forge coalescing, taking strange and
unnatural shapes in the firelight.
What am I doing here? He thought once more. He realized he had no answer. Nothing, There
was nothing for him here.
He gazed upon his vala, who had emerged from the shadows, looking back upon him with dark,
knowing eyes.
It was time to take the last step.
Author: Belekoroz
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Sauron, Melkor
No warnings apply
----------------
What am I doing here?
It was a common thought Mairon had now-a-days, his mind plagued with many things the other
ainur would most certainly consider sacrilege. To his credit he had tried rather hard to dispel
said thoughts from himself, but to little avail, as no matter what he tried, they would not relent.
He had begun to wonder if he had some sort of curse placed upon him, if such a thing was even
possible. Ultimately though, he knew the truth deep down, as much as he loathed to admit it to
himself. He had allowed himself to fall victim to doubt and distrust, and despite his awareness of
this, he could not fully vanquish these thoughts. His mind had fallen into a cycle of questioning,
a pit he sunk deeper into each day, and here feared the moment he no longer had the strength
to climb back out.
It wasn’t even that he was unhappy, as such, but rather, he felt unfulfilled, unnoticed, and
unrespected. His growing resentment as a result of these thoughts fuelled the metaphorical fire
in his mind, a fire he was very aware had been meticulously fanned and maintained by one
other than himself. He was in no way fool enough to not notice Melkor’s sugared words and
careful tending, he simply found himself unable (or perhaps, unwilling?) to put a stop to it.
Though he would not admit it to himself, he rather agreed with many of the grievances Melkor
had voiced to him. Why was it that he, someone who had as much talent and skill as he did,
was expected to bow to the kings and queens of this world without question? Why was it that he
was expected to devote his immortal existence to this? Craft precious jewelry and treasures to
bestow upon them, for little praise or recognition. Aule had told him it was a great honor to have
his skill recognized by the valar in such a way that it had been, but he disagreed.
He had been at a crossroad for quite a while now. He knew he needed to make a choice; rather,
he had made his choice quite a while ago, just another thing on the long list of things he had not
gathered the strength to admit to himself. He was stuck, standing on the edge of a cliff, not
entirely willing to take that final step off the edge, unsure if water or jagged rocks would meet
him at the bottom. He supposed it didn’t particularly matter in the long run though, he knew the
choice would be made for him one day regardless, likely for the worse. He was sure that one
day in the not so distant future, he would slip up, his thoughts would be voiced, which he knew
would inevitably end poorly.
He would not allow himself to be shamed in such a way.
He would not allow them to stand over him, high and mighty in their untouchable seats, passing
judgment on him to their standards, whispering to each other about him as if he was lesser, as if
he was not even there.
He would not.
He turned, the shadows in the corner of the empty forge coalescing, taking strange and
unnatural shapes in the firelight.
What am I doing here? He thought once more. He realized he had no answer. Nothing, There
was nothing for him here.
He gazed upon his vala, who had emerged from the shadows, looking back upon him with dark,
knowing eyes.
It was time to take the last step.